


cause they will run you down, down til you fall

by echoedsilence



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fear, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sadness, Unrequited Love, sad gay pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6871168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoedsilence/pseuds/echoedsilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he´s hurt. hurt. hurt. the word echoes in his mind. refuses to make way for other thoughts. </p><p>In which we get to know Sherlocks thoughts as he watches John from afar at the end of The Reichenbach Fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. side a - sherlock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jamlockk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamlockk/gifts), [Ewebie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ewebie/gifts).



> The title of this story is directed from and has been inspired by the song "Way Down We Go" by Kaleo. I strongly suggest listening to it while you´re reading this story.
> 
> As always, I don´t own anything. All rights go to the BBC/crew behind Sherlock. You know how it is.
> 
> Enjoy and don´t forget to tell me what you think! x

breathe.  
in and out.  
concentrate. focus.  
don´t move.  
don´t speak.  
don´t feel.  
he´s there. right there. distance is nothing. not with him. he is close. always. always has been.  
he´s hurt. hurt. hurt. the word echoes in his mind. refuses to make way for other thoughts. distractions. hurt because of him. his selfish desire to protect john. he did not think further. of course he had not. john is more important.  
he watches, motionless as johns fingers touch the black stone.  
the grave. his grave.  
guilt floods through him. every fiber of his being is being drenched. it is eating him up. clawing at the walls he has built around his mind, his thoughts, his feelings.  
he wants to be there, next to him. tell him. tell him he´s alive. comfort him.  
he winces right as he sees it. the pain john is in. the pain that is there. the pain he made him feel, no, makes him feel. still.  
love. love. he wants to tell him. reach out to him.  
tell him he´s sorry.  
he closes his eyes. he can´t he´s not able to. he must not. it is forbidden.  
he´d promised it. mycroft.  
he can see his face in front of him now. his voice. demanding, firm.  
the list. now.  
the brother does not have to explain further. he knows what his brother wants from him.  
list. a list of everything. everything he has taken. but the page in front of him is blank. not a word. because there is none.  
or maybe there is. john. always john. he has taken john with him.  
his smile, his laugh, his breath, his touch. his everything. without john, there would be no him. he is made of john. woven of a fabric only true love can spin. love. and desperation.  
because he will never be his. but even though he knows this, he hasn´t given up.  
water on his cheek. salt.  
because there is one thing he knows with utmost certainty.  
love is a much more vicious motivator.


	2. side b: john

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we get to know John´s part, the thoughts and scenes we did´t get to see on screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here the final and second part! enjoy x   
> The title is from Daughter´s song Smother.

i want all that is not mine

 

_I want him but we’re not right._  

that´s all he can think of.

all of the thoughts he can muster up right now.

even the thought hurts. the thought of. no. he tries to breathe but can´t.

he´s blocked. 

he heaves, gulps. tries to get some air. tries to concentrate on what is directly in front of him.

black. pure black. like his hair. those black curls..

sounds escape his mouth he breaks down. down. down. then, green. 

he feels the gras beneath him, the way it touches the skin on his hands.

he lies there. inhale, exhale. he tries to tell himself. 

_get up_ , he thinks. _get up and go. he´s dead._

_there is nothing you can do._

_you failed. it´s your fault._

he pulls himself up, hands resting on the stone. 

the feeling is immediate. shock surges through him. his puls quickens and he thinks of the last time that - that. that he has felt such current.

the lab. the echoes return. haunting him.

_here._ he hears himself say. _use mine_.

no. no.

he clutches the grave in front of him. he is alone now. he knows that.

_alone is what i have._ the lines come back to him. they are merciless. pounding. relentless.

and they are his alone. the demons he has tried to tame, to hide. 

he can´t. he is unable to. 

he sobs. ragged breaths escape his throat. 

_pain. heartache._ he clenches his fists. unclenches it again. 

he does't move. doesn't dare to. he feels …

empty. because he is gone. he took everything with him. 

_without him there is no me,_ he realizes. he is broken beyond repair. 

and there is no way of fixing what is shattered.

_i want you to know_ he pleads, eyes raised towards the grey sky. 

_i want you to know_ , he repeats, continuing after seconds have passed. 

_but then, you already know._

suddenly, a shiver runs over him. a gust of wind moves the branches of the pine trees looming over the graves.

it seems to him, as if he saw a figure standing among the trees, an all to familiar one.

he shakes his head, getting up, and starts to walk away. away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was it! Thank you so much for reading my story, all those hits are continuing to make my day.   
> If you enjoyed it, please take a sec or two to review.   
> You´re the best!

**Author's Note:**

> And that was it. I should probably apologize for the feels I may have caused you. In that case, sorry.  
> Let me know if you want a sequel from John´s POV.


End file.
